Published November 3, 2006
its not easy being me
never hearing the sounds of glee
being mocked and foiled
have only brought me to a state of toil
the calls the chants
a seed we must plant
one that will make me see
in this world there is somthing to be
my mind is around the bend
to the sickness i must mend
for i have a message
loud and cleear
listen closely you must hear
ive seen toil ive seen hate
ive seen the way others discriminate
when i am gone
there is no way you can bond
my broken heart
but you can start
to change my ways
day by day
to help my life
help me gain might
to stand up to the words
that i have reffered
myself to
that make me feel blue
to help thrive what is left inside
to see the real me
full of hopes and dreams
that have not been destroyed in others means
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141,284 Literary Works • 674,333 Reviews
u definately need to work on puntuations.
The whole poem is without a single puntuation!
Never hearing the sounds of glee... would sound better as I never hear the sound of glee....
in italics I've put the words that I feel don't really work... i see you've tried to rhyme it and YOU DON'T NEED IT TO RHYME!!!! I think it makes it sound as if you've tried to hard to make it rhyme.
underlined stuff makes absolutely no sense to me??????
the word toil that I have highlighted in RED is repeated... try to find an alternative word?
I think you have a good thing here that needs some work and developing. Hope this has helped... Lexy xxx
Your punctuation and such needs much work, but excellent content wise.